It's Lexi, Bitch!

September 30th and October 1st changed my life forever…..as I finally got to see my queen bee, Ms. Kylie Minogue, perform live! What’s that? Her first North American shows EVER?!?!!?! Yes, that’s correct, and I was there for both of them!! “LIFE-ALTERING” DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE MAGNITUDE OF THE EXPERIENCE CELLA AND I HAD.

To channel our nervous and excited energy in the days leading up to the shows, we did what anyone would do. We made shirts and headbands to celebrate our Kylie.

“Understaaaaand, I’m a diamond for yoooooou, a white diamond for yoooooou” inspired us, naturally!

SO EXCITED I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE.

Upon rounding the corner and seeing the marquee, our screaming began and did not end for HOURS.

We planted ourselves on the first tier so we were at an even level with our girl, and then it began…….she descended from the ceiling on a giant crystal skull singing “Light Years.” We literally screamed bloody murder and both sobbed instantly. The Beatles’ crowd on Ed Sullivan had NOTHING on us. The guys in front of us gave us their spots within 15 seconds.

She brought that shit, and she brought that shit wearing an INCREDIBLE custom wardrobe from Alexander McQueen.

She walked down a man-staircase in stilettos, after her hot dancers took showers together under stage prop showers while videos of nude mens showering together were projected behind them. I keep re-reading that sentence and it doesn’t make sense. Sorry, just remembering it has made all the blood in my brain evacuate and rush to my nethers. Yes, this is why she is the queen bee.

This is the only point during which I didn’t scream, and that is simply because I was bawling as she sang “White Diamond” while acting out a tormented and sad love story with one of her male dancers, followed by “Confide In Me” and “I Believe In You.” This is why we wore waterproof mascara.

Fabulous Gareth Pugh headpiece, fierce-as-fuck Louboutin boots, welder mens dancing, and enchanting smile. IT’S JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE, IT REALLY IS.

The next night we did it all again in formal wear….

And our devotion was rewarded with a setlist! I look at this every single day and feel happy, and I listen to “Light Years” every single day and get the roller coaster belly all over again.

My beloved Kylie was charming, hilarious, personable and effortlessly entertaining…..and the cabaret version of “Locomotion” WENT OFF. Until next time, Kyles!

(All photos by Cella, thanks my sweet!)

Yes, I’ve been gone for many months! Whoops! I got laid off and moved to Los Angeles. The layoff coincided with the return of my best friend from her stint in the Peace Corps. Perfect! So my tripod/triangle/vortex of the apex of best frienditude was back together again. We mostly invented new drinks, danced, had big sleepovers, watched every Apatow movie and 30 Rock episode ever made, and ate lots of things with mayonnaise in them.

THE BIG NEWS: This inspired my two darlings to start a new food blog! If you do well with recipes that instruct you to add “a couple farts of dijon mustard,” then The Decadence Factor is for you. I’ve been very lucky that these two know how to cook and do so AMAZINGLY, since I am differently abled in the culinary realm.

They also take pretty photos of their food and bevvies, like these little fuckers I barely remember….I had the gin sweats the next day something fierce!

L-R: Chef Julia, Eater Lexi, Chef Cella

Watch for the inevitable Food Network show sometime soon, likely to be called “The Lusty Chefs.” And yes, more posts to come soon, I have lots to cover from the last few months!